I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
