with your own penis?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
