she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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