im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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