I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
