You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
