Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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