stop calling my apartment porn island.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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