i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
