I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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