I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
