Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
