I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize