Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
