Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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