If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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