So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
As shirtless as possible
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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