I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
