found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
