Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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