i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And then my night got REAL pukey
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
