Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
