once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
