He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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