puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
