yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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