She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
