and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
