omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
