2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize