Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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