I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
