using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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