Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
