your thong is hanging out like whoa
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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