dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
try to milk me bitch
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
