Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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