Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
