Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My cat gives me a boner
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize