Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
