I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
