I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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