I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
just found out that she named her cat after me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
