But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
