Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
