Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize