I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize