My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize