Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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