i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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