My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
