so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
