your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
