Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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