My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
