drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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