haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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