haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
