he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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