Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I want her autograph on my taint
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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