Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
