I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
