so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
