I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
