Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
